Though it feels like just yesterday she was that chubby little bundle that slept like a turtle. I remember noticing the day we brought her home from the hospital the lilac bush had come into bloom while we were gone. This Saturday, our lilac bush was coming into bloom once again.
I have the words to fill hundreds of notebooks on this girl, with all her struggles, her accomplishments, her quirks, her downfalls.
Did I ever imagine who she would become? I know I must have, but right now it is all so about whom she is becoming that I don’t remember what I wished for.
My stubborn girl, who won’t do something if she doesn’t want to, has NEVER gone along with the crowd, who prefers the company of two friends she has kept from elementary school to a gaggle of girls, who has never bought into the drama and always speaks her opinion loud and proud.
The girl who talks about anything and everything out loud to the embarrassment of her sister, the one who leaves banana peels and yogurt containers lying around the house, tidiness is not one of her virtues, you can follow her trail anywhere. The quiet one, who doesn’t talk just to fill a void.
This firstborn, the one who was filled with anxiety, always in distress through the hardest years of our lives, the one whose stomach has never been right. She, the one, who bore the brunt of my learning to deal with hormones and attitude, who had her phone taken away far more often than her sister and who had to deal with the terror of her mother’s screaming at a situation where she felt out of control.
The one who so often opts out of the system, never typical, always I look forward to what she will do next. She, the one who opted out of school and has taken over her own learning, who finally found confidence in Math, who with this time is discovering and exploring her passions. The blooming feminist who cannot stand what is unfair.
The girl who at ten was doing her own makeup , not like I did, but with perfect subtlety so that I couldn’t say, no you are not walking out of the house like that. She is the girl who can take five random items out of her closet and look smashing, who designed outfits for her dolls out of napkins and fabric scraps, who sits at the computer for hours not playing the game, but designing the hair, makeup and clothes for her characters.
She is and always will be the little chick under my wing, needing hugs and time close together, my girl who I can snuggle and talk with for an hour before bed, the one who hated to apologize but who would leave notes on my pillow. She is not afraid to still love her Mom and she makes me laugh so hard sometimes I think I will wreck the car.
I love her so, couldn’t imagine my life without her, and really I can’t wait to watch her, to guide her to the fantastic things she is yet to become.