This house (the real one that is) is anything but quiet these days. Two teenage girls will do that. In all actuality there is never any quiet in this house, I go to bed earlier than the girls now, and peace, well, that is a thing of days gone past. Nothing outrageous, just, you know, hormones. I find myself craving peace even more now, yearning for quiet spaces.
I had considered doing a silent retreat. Just for a weekend. Oh, wouldn't that be nice, just some time alone with a few books on St. Francis of Assisi and no one to have to talk too. I even researched and found a little place not too far away here in Maryland, with rooms or a hermitage. Then I got a new litter of foster kittens, and oh well, there goes that idea.
My father bought one of those little Amish made sheds for his backyard. I stopped to see him and went for a look. I opened the door and stepped inside and oh my, I thought I could stay in here. Its bare bones., just wood braces and a rough floor, but there was a window on one end and my delight when I found it even opened. Oh how I wanted one so bad in that moment. A little shed in the backyard with a window that faced the woods. A hideaway, an escape, a little writing cottage, don’t all the best writers have those. Just a little place to step away from the opinions, the noise, the demands. Then I feared I might not leave it and the girls would have to wander out to ask me if I was coming back.
I know that the day is coming soon that this house will be too quiet. When it will just be the cats to keep me company. I imagine I will be yearning then for the return of talking and laughter and even the occasional slam of a door.
Being present is what matters most I guess, and finding peace in the midst of the chaos. Yesterday I began yoga again and daily prayer. I've been lapsing and I guess it's showing in my frayed nerves and the recurring panic attacks.
I cannot afford the little shed. There are other needs, braces, glasses, a new car. But I am tucking it away in the back of my mind for one day. I am seriously contemplating it.