This is the same old story I have posted many times.
Out of balance.
Usually I feel it most on Monday mornings.
I wonder if I will ever remedy it. No matter my intentions for a simple, quiet life there is always this feeling of imbalance and guilt.
Children, work, home, yard, animal care, personal care, spirituality.
I left my 14 year old home sick two days last week while I went to work and stayed home from work one day. (guilt on both ends, guilt for leaving her on the days I went to work and guilt for not being at work the day I stayed home). I work my rear off getting the house in order and then watch it be destroyed while my focus is elsewhere. I'm managing my times with the girls and realized I've neglected the dog all day and haven't seen my Grandparents in two. Last night we ate frozen pizza and box pasta salad standing up in the kitchen. I can't tell you the last time I actually wrote anything, something I once felt passionate about.
And all the while smiling.
But behind that smile sometimes.
I am blessed. I know there are single mothers working three jobs to make ends meet. I am working one. I know that sometimes there are no choices. What is, simply is.
I don't have a terminal illness, or an abusive husband. I know where our next meal is coming from and I don't worry about losing the roof over our heads.
But I am tired. Oh so tired and sometimes feel like this was not the way it was intended.
But it is. Regardless.
A beautiful life.
No matter how out of balance it may feel.
I keep trying to remind myself that and I try to push back that monster called guilt that constantly wants to whisper in my ear. Everyone is safe. Everyone is sleeping. Everyone is fed. Everyone feels loved, A mantra for a life out of balance.
3 comments:
Guilt is a monster with a huge appetite. You do well to keep it at arms length. It's sole purpose is to knock us off balance and bring us down so you just keep chanting that mantra you awe inspiring lady! xx
hugs to you :) Balancing is never easy.
It may be "the same old story," but it is a story that all of us know by heart. Oh, we may have different variations of it--my out-of-balance is not your out-of-balance--but we all struggle with this. Be kind to yourself while you balance yourself.
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