I've neglected this space again. The hazy windows are cracked and the ivy is climbing through. A layer of dust has collected over everything, cobwebs trail from the corners. If you step through the creaking door, there is a scuffling of something small in the corner, perhaps looking for a lost crumb that has been left behind.
That's how I see my blog right now. Empty. Vacant. Forgotten. Forlorn.
The truth is I'm not sure what to make of this space right now. It doesn't know what it wants to be and I hate to keep reinventing over and over as it makes me feel even more like the scatterbrain that I already know I am.
I'm tired of trying on personas that don't quite fit.
I'm tired of trying to think of ways to market to make something of myself.
I'm tired of giving up before I even get started.
And I'm terrified of making wrong decisions.
Hence the fits of starts and stops.
I'm discerning this year.
So many calls.
Which one is the right one?
Start. Stop. Start.
I know the end. I can picture it in my mind.
But how to get there?
Especially since it is a road less traveled,
a road that thins out the closer I draw near
to the photo in my mind of pure happiness.
Perhaps that is the key.
Perhaps this place, this blog of mine
needs to be that picture in my mind.
Perhaps I need to see This Quiet House
as I have described it here.
Except to sweep out the dust and the cobwebs.
To open the windows, chase out the birds
that are living in the shadows
and let life breathe into it again.
3 comments:
I hope you see the path clearly and that the path brings you joy :)
yes. similar thoughts. it seems i have surrounded myself with people who are so weary of the game, the marketing game, who long for something different, deeper, more connected.
I know what i want so I am seeking to create that for myself, to show up in the world the way that feels best to me. Part of that is being connected. I long for pre-facebook days ... the slower pace of checking in, reading, commenting being in conversation. I long for the time when blogs were blogs and not just a marketing tool. So I am giving myself what I long for.
I am rarely on facebook. ( if it weren't for my homeschool co-op group, I would be gone) I do love instagram for the visual conversation ( and I am beginning to really find community there) But other than that, I am going to write and read and converse. and I may not have a HUGE following or make a SUPER impact ... that's ok, I like the intention of small.
I love this post--it speaks volumes, quietly.
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